This is pretty much the most basic page ever:

1. You sometimes give us information so we can do business with you.

2. We use this information to do business with you.

3. There is no third point.  

We won't sell your information, including your name, address, phone number, shopping history, etc etc etc for any reason at any time. Your credit card info is processed by PayPal and Shopify (depending on your choices). They get your credit card info. I can look at log files to see if you entered your address wrong, but that's about all the payment stuff I'll ever see. So even if I was a shithead, there'd be a limit to the number of shitheaddy things I could do.

But I'm not a shithead.

Which means that if you say I should send you a newsletter, I might send you a newsletter. If you say I shouldn't, I won't. If you order soaps, I'll send them to you. If you don't, I might still send you stuff just because I think you might like that.

There is one new feature to our privacy policy, which is our use of the tasty little chocolate chip and dough things called cookies.

Wait... no, I am being told that they're not actually literal cookies.
What the hell use is that?
Oh. OH. Advertising. It's so that wherever you go, you will see our ads? Really? wow. that's really high tech. And you promise me this isn't evil?
Wait, you're not promising me this isn't evil? ah... but it's just for advertising and not for some sinister government plot?
Ok. Well, we should at least tell people.

 

So, there you have it. We also use cookies, which may or may not be sinister.

The Outlaw Soaps website uses cookies, tracking pixels and related technologies. Cookies are small data files that are served by our platform and stored on your device. Our site uses cookies dropped by us or third parties for a variety of purposes including to operate and personalize the website. Also, cookies may also be used to track how you use the site to target ads to you on other websites.

If you seriously have a problem with this, please let me know. I don't want to be evil, I just want to sell our stuff and remind you that you need it if you might have forgotten that you did. So, that's why the cookies.

In order to ensure that you know I'm not a shithead, here's my cell number: 510-410-4570 (please don't abuse it) and our store address is 7 N. Main St, #3, Colfax, CA 95713 (please don't abuse that either, but if you want to send me collectible geographical spoons, you should know that I have a 100+ spoon collection and would super duper love it). If you don't like something about how we have dealt with your order, just email me and let me know. As I mentioned, we're ordinary people doing extraordinary business here.