No, My Face Doesn't Hurt. Why Do You Ask?

Danielle Vincent

Posted on April 09 2015


unicorn poop soapAnother interesting and weird day making soap at Outlaw Trading Company. Today's batch(es) of soap were the infamous Unicorn Poop(s)!

I was joined by a lil' friend this time. We will call him Marty the Fly. He was quite annoying and insistent. It seemed like anything I did attracted Marty.

As many of you know, Unicorn Poop is a fecal rainbow of colors and scents. One of the more prominent smells is Strawberry.

And wouldn't you know it, a guy pulled up in in a lil' green Miata to view the pink house across the street, and asked what I was making that smelled like Strawberry Shortcake!

I explained I was making Unicorn Poop.

He laughed, a lil' nervously, and just stood there moon eyed looking over my shoulder trying to take everything in and probably make some sense of it. He was literally speechless.

I tried to get him on his way as I was in the middle of THINGS! Of course, after smelling the poop, he was a fan... but I had to get back to work!

"Bzzzzz" said Marty.

I proceeded to mix up the colors for each individual layer of U.P. Everything was goin' along purty well until I started on the yellow.

Marty agreed things were going well by buzzing at me through my goggles. GODDAMN IT, MARTY.

I had already mixed the red layer and pulled out the mini blender a second too early before it stopped spinning. Li'l red splotches had gone flying and I guess a tiny bit got into the yellow mix because it came out the color of nacho cheese! Not wanting to waste 12 ounces of precious scent by throwing it out and starting over, I just dumped in several spoons of white in hopes of leveling it out.

"C'est la vie," as them French would say.

Nearing the end of this whole process I started laughing out loud. It ocurred to me that Marty, the damned lil' fly that had been bugging the hell out of me was just like the fly in Breaking Bad that drove Mr. White crazy. Here I am in my "lab", obsessing on this lil' f@cker, unable to kill him. (show insider note: No. I didn't get on a ladder and nearly kill myself.)

Of course, my laughter drew Danielle's attention and she came in to see what was up. Knowing she wasn't a fan of the show and so wouldn't get why I thought it was funny, I tried my best to explain it to her, crashing and burning and saying, "You had to see the episode."

Meanwhile, she's interrupting me with a horrified look on her face, saying parts of my face are burning off. Um. What?

I have no idea what she's talking about, say I'm fine, and only realize later that the red coloring must have sprayed over my face... which would explain why she was about ready to rush me to the hospital.

I don't know what the moral of this story is, so I'm going to drink some whiskey. Oh great, here's Marty again.

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